It's the hard knock life.

When you tell people you're skiing in Aspen, make sure you say it with an obxonious fabulosity. Casually allude to a private charter jet. And then book your room at the Sky Hotel, a cute little Kimpton boutique with cute little price tags. It's a block or two from the gondola for Ajax Mountain, and has an onsite ski rental. There's also a heated pool, wi-fi, a daily wine reception, and really annoying music on the website. Check their specials page before you book -- right now they're running a Pumpkin Sky promotion, which gets you a double room with daily lift tickets for $275 a night. If you don't plan on leaving the lodge, it's even cheaper.

Pack extra socks.

I whine as soon as the temperature dips below 70, and yet I'm counting the minutes until Quebec's Ice Hotel re-opens so I can spend a regret-filled night shivering on a bed of deer pelts. The hotel is carved from ice every year and stays open from January through April, when it melts. I don't know if I'm more attracted to the transience and imminent destruction, or the vodka bar. I mean, they serve drinks in ice shot glasses!

Keep in mind, this is more of an experience than a hotel. Rooms start at $200 per person -- check their site for early-booking discounts -- but for the five-star price, you're getting communal bathrooms, a partially frozen staff, and a thermostat that's stuck at 25 degrees. (Thanks, nature.) If you must be pampered, maybe skip the overnight stay; day tours are available for $15.

Get ready to relax, or not.

I'm obsessed with Rio de Janeiro because it has two of my favorite beach bonus features: topography and overcrowding. Seriously, as much as I love a nice secluded beach, I kind of love battling for an empty patch of sand. Ipanema Beach has chilly water and rough currents, but the view makes up for it. (Besides, Rio's other popular beach is Copacabana, and if we're talking about beaches that inspired songs, "Girl from Ipanema" is the clear winner.) Rooms at the Best Western Sol Ipanema start at $150 USD for a double with breakfast included. Except to pay waaaaay more during Carnival, and don't bother waiting for low season -- the hottest month is February, but it only beats the dead of winter by seven degrees.

Aurora or bust.

I'm obsessed with the Northern Lights. I've read the scientific explanation a few thousand times, but it makes zero sense to me and frankly, I don't really care. It's pretty. The lights are most visible between October and April; for the best chance of viewing, shack up as close to the Arctic Circle as possible. And since the lights aren't exactly reliable, may I suggest Iceland? At least you won't be bored and freezing if Aurora Borealis goes on break.

Simple bare necessities.

It's been awhile since I updated, because I needed to take some time off to focus on more important things. Like processed meats. I just got back from Munich and other assorted Bavarian cities, where I ate about sixteen pounds of sausage. Best find: The super-simple hotel room at the Hotel Royal, near Munich's main train station. It was only 159 Euros/night during Oktoberfest, which means it's practically free during any normal time of year. The room pictured must be their presidential suite, because our room was the size of...well, a bed. And nothing more. But it's sparkly clean, centrally located, and the continental breakfast rocks the Alps. Seriously, free bratwurst? Dang!