So many "train" cliches to choose from!

I've only slept in a train station once, and that was an accident. Look, if they don't want people sleeping in Grand Central, they shouldn't make that staircase so darn comfortable. Anyway, there is a place where you can snooze by the tracks without getting a rude wakeup call from station security. St. Louis' defunct Union Station -- the last train left in '78 -- is now a combination shopping center, entertainment complex, and Hyatt Regency hotel. Queen rooms start at $109, and the Grand Hall has been converted into a swanky lounge. With architecture like that, I'm not sure I'd ever leave.

This could be heaven or this could be hell.

I love yard sales. I rarely buy anything -- I think my last acquisition was a $1 accordion-style wine rack three years ago. But I could easily spend every weekend trolling sales. I love seeing what ex-treasures were downgraded to trash; like, why are you just now ready to part with that collection of 78's or that antique baby powder tin or that sequined wreath? That's why I'm obsessed with the 127 Corridor Sale, aka the World's Longest Yard Sale. And they mean "longest" in the truest sense of the word -- the goods spread 450 miles from the sale's HQ in Jamestown, Tennesee. The sale runs from August 2-5, 2007, so you only have a few days to tune up your car for the long crawl. But if you've been searching far and wide for a Donald Duck bobblehead or used steel-toe boots, this is your place.

$1,000 or Less: Aruba

It's hurricane season, my favorite time of year to take dirt-cheap Caribbean vacations. Aruba jumps on the low-season bandwagon every summer, but I still don't know why. This is an island that gets three inches of rain in its wettest month (December) and has a four-degree deviation between the middle of summer and the dead of winter. There's no such thing as low season here. So visit now -- while they're pretending the weather sucks -- and use the money saved on a Balashi.

NYC to AUA: $375 (Delta flies direct; from Philly, try US Airways)

HOTEL: Three nights at the Amsterdam Manor Beach Resort, above. If you can handle walking across a teeny street to Eagle Beach, it's one of the best deals on the island. A studio runs $159/night between April and December, and the decor is simple and inoffensive (no beachy-neon bedspreads). Order a rum something-or-other from the Tropical Beach Bar, dine on the sand at Passions, or get a quick bite at Mango's open-air restuarant. Or cook for yourself, since every room has a kitchenette.

EAT: If you love meat, do yourself a favor and eat a ton of it at Amazonia (near Palm Beach). For around $35, you'll get rodizio-style service until you beg them to stop. Mmm. By the way, chicken tastes so much better when it's wrapped in bacon. For a really cheap meal, grab a bag of plantain chips at any convenience store, or visit a roadside stand and try a meat- or fish-filled pastechi (usually around $2).

DO: Nothing. That's the specialty here. Or, if you must, spring $15 for a tube ride from one of the beach vendors. But don't put any faith in their safety measures. It's not a thrill ride unless you can actually get severly injured.

TOTAL: $904. Spend the rest on all the meals I overlooked in my churrascaria daze.

It's a cold day in Dubai. Sort of.

Let me preface this by saying that I love, love, love Dubai's total lack of simplicity. They've got the world's tallest hotel, the futuristic Burj al-Arab, looming 1,053 feet over an artifical island. They've got the Palm Islands and The World. But most importantly, it's 93 degrees in the shade and they've got skiing. Hey, why not? Ski Dubai is located inside the Mall of the Emirates, which (naturally) is one of the biggest malls in the world. A full-day lift ticket costs $73 and gives you access to five runs and a snowpark (the biggest in the world, if you hadn't guessed). It'll also get you rental skis, a jacket, snowpants, socks and a helmet -- all the things you don't pack when heading for the Arabian Peninsula.

Come and get me, mosquito.

I swear, every time I go to the beach, I come home with six different types of bug bites. Two complications this time: One, I have a bite on the inside of my middle toe that is killing me. And two, I'm out of Humphrey's. WAIT! Before you click, let me clarify. On a late-night walk along Palm Beach in Aruba, I acquired no less than thirty bites -- three on one toe, and itchy toes are my pet peeve. When I finally stumbled down to front desk the next morning and begged for some Benadryl or a shotgun, the fabulous concierge instructed me to buy a pot of Humphrey's Anti-Itch Ointment. It says the active ingredient is plain old benzocaine, but I can assure you it's made of magic and wishes and sunshine. Now for the downside: it's marketed as a hemorrhoid cream stateside. Try to ignore that, and pack a pot on your next trip to the tropics. Your toes will thank you.

Yurtastic.

I also considered "yurts so good" as a headline, but decided it was best to forego it. But how glam is this little yurt in the middle of England's Cornwall county? I love the cozy floor cushions and Moroccan lanterns -- beats my hand-me-down Coleman tent anyday. (And I love my Coleman.) I'm a little leery of the nearby "compost toilet," but it also has a bathtb with a wood-burning water heater, so how bad could it be? Plus, it's only a few miles from the beaches of Port Isaac, Port Gaverne, and Trebarwith Strand. I'll bring the s'mores.

Is it low season yet?

Sleeping in Prague can be pricey. Unless, of course, you stay in your own little studio at Kozna Apartments, owned by the beloved Arcadia Old Town. Then you only have to shell out $108 (tax included) for a two-person studio tucked behind Old Town Square. Hold off until low season, and it's only $80. And once you've sidestepped the astronomical hotel prices, the rest is a cakewalk. Wander around Old Town (free), visit the Charles Bridge (also free) or stroll through the national museum (a whopping five bucks). Yes, wallet, I love you too.

Swizzle in, swagger out.

I think Bermuda's reputation as the stuffy counterpart to the Caribbean is a little bit unfair. For starters, Bermuda shorts are totally fun. I dare you to disagree. And consider their national drink: the rum swizzle, a mix of black seal rum, barbados rum, OJ, pineapple juice, grenadine, bitters and lime. Yum. The Swizzle Inn, with locations on the South Shore and Bailey's Bay, is the best spot to drink as many as you can handle (check their logo, above). They even offer a jug for $22.75 -- come on, how stuffy is that? And since Bermuda's chichi cuisine can drain your wallet, it's important to know that you can get bangers and mash here for $14.75. Yum again.

More lava!

Nothing makes a good vacation better quite like a volcano does. That explains my love affair with Hawaii, Santorini, Lanzarote, St. Lucia, Pompeii...even Yellowstone. Bonus points if the volcano is active. And triple bonus points if it spews glowing red lava down its western slope nightly, like the Arenal Volcano in Costa Rica. Needless to say, the majority of hotels set up shop on the eastern slope in La Fortuna. My personal favorite is the Volcano Lodge, where you can watch the seismic show from the freeform pool or hot tub. And it's only $84/night in "green season," which runs May through December. That means it's going to rain. A lot. Like eight inches a month -- so if you're made of sugar, you may want to spring the $110/night for high season instead.

Also, one final round of bonus points to Costa Rica for putting swim-up bars in their hot springs -- a noble idea if I've ever heard one. A visit to Baldi Hot Springs is only $25 -- besides the ten spring-fed pools, it has a restaurant and spa. Ahhh.

Thai one on.

I'm starving, which may be why I'm dreaming of my favorite cheap eats in DC -- Bangkok Bistro on Prospect Street in Georgetown. I love the pad thai, and I love the spring rolls, and I love the fact that their website currently has Georgetown misspelled as "Gorge Town." Or maybe that was intentional; I guess it's accurate, either way. There are plenty of places to overpay for a decent meal in DC. If you want crazy ambience for $11, I'd go here instead.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Maybe it's because I don't have air conditioning, but I've been doing a lot of fantasizing about Alaska lately. Mostly I've been drooling over pics of Glacier Bay National Park, an amazing system of mountains, fjords, lakes and (duh) glaciers. Since it's 65 miles fro the nearest interstate -- aka Juneau -- it's only accessible by plane or boat. And I sure as hell am not about to land a puddle-jumper on that giant ice cube. Luckily, a lux cruise ship totally counts as a boat. Most of Princess Cruises' Alaskan routes dock at Glacier Bay for nine or ten hours; you can get an oceanview cabin for as little as $699 in August. (Cruises are almost always cheaper at the last minute.) They don't sail from October through March, so get moving.

So hip it hurts.

It's winter in Cape Town right now. Luckily, if you shack up at Daddy Long Legs, you don't even need to leave the warmth of your bed to see artwork from some of South Africa's creative geniuses. Since I love maps, my personal favorite is the "You Are Here" room (middle) designed by architect Andre Vorster. But I give an honorable mention to the "Photo Booth" room (right) designed by photog Antony Smyth. The rooms start at a dreamy $85/night -- but no matter how tasty these pics look, the vibe is geared more towards backpackers than boutique snobs. It's on busy Long Street in the city center, but if you can handle the noise (and the lack of TV), it's a fab deal in a unique hotel.

Better than Six Flags!

I don't understand why theme parks around here don't look anything like Xcaret Eco Theme Park in Playa del Carmen. I guess rollercoasters are fun in their own way -- except for the nausea -- but can we discuss the total superiority of this place? You can snorkel a coral reef, snooze on the beach, relax in a lagoon, swim in an underground river, take a snuba tour, see a rodeo, swim with dolphins...you get the point. Plus they have all sorts of awwww-inspiring animal exhibits. And it's only $53 to get in ($80 extra if you want to bond with Flipper).

You cell phone just wants to help.

I'll admit it, I was slacking on the posts this weekend. But there's a good reason: I was mooching. I spent the weekend at the Jersey shore, sleeping on my aunt's floor and gorging on soft pretzels (25 cents each) and homemade cookies (free).

Ahh, frugality.

Anyway, for more far-flung excursions, I've recently become addicted to the free text help you can get from Google via cell phone -- without paying a fortune per minute for web access. Need a phone number? Text the name and zip to GOOGL (46645, if you're too lazy) and it'll shoot back the digits. No habla espanol? Can't parlez-vous francais? Text the letter T, the word or phrase, and the language you need to translate to or from (for example, t beer to spanish) and you're an instant bilinguist (cerveza!).

Just not while driving. 'Kay?

I'm sure your $100 bottle is nice too.

I just read that my favorite vino, the illustrious Two-Buck Chuck from Trader Joe's, was awarded top honors this week at the California State Fair Commercial Wine Competition. I feel like my firtborn just won a Nobel Prize. Well, except I don't have any kids. But I do have a soft spot for $2 wine, so I'm very proud of my beloved, grapetacular Charles Shaw 2005 Chardonnay -- although I think the awesome Shiraz should be allowed to borrow the gold medal on special occasions. Congrats, mon Chuck!

Blah blah blah...

I guess it goes without saying that I like to talk about traveling. And when I can't find anyone who'll listen to me, a travel journal comes in handy. I love this Travel Collage from Barnes and Noble ($10.36) -- you can't tell from the pic, but it has an accordion folder on the left for ticket stubs, brochures, receipts, stickers, and photos, plus a notepad on the right for worldly observations. Besides, it's cute.

This place exists.

Pictures of Zion National Park always look retouched, because it's hard to believe that something like this photo can actually just happen without any sort of digital manipulation. But, of course, it does look like this, and you owe it to the world to go see it. Especially since it's dirty-cheap. Entrance to the park only costs $25 for a week-long vehicle pass, so you'll have plenty of time to see it all. (Okay, so maybe that's not true. But you will have plenty of time to do enough hiking to deplete a year's supply of Advil.)

The Driftwood Lodge, two miles from the park entrance, has deluxe queen rooms for only $119 in the summer. But my money's on the Cliffrose Lodge and Gardens -- $139 for a king, 200 yards from Zion, with a waterfall jacuzzi. Pop some ibuprofen and meet me there.

Amsterdam, sans savings account.

Planning a trip to Amsterdam can cause a not-so-mild case of sticker shock, especially when hotels like the Amstel InterContinental are asking $648 per night for a standard king. But it's also the kind of place you could go on a whim, as long as you're willing to turn down the turndown service and forego the pricey financial district. Luckily, in Amsterdam, that's hardly a sacrifice. Some alternate choices: Hotel Hoksbergen (left), on a canal in the Singel area, runs $123 per night for a double. If that's still not close enough to the canals for you, you can always rent the PhilDutch Houseboat (right) for $165 per night. Just pack Dramamine...and go easy on the beer.

My heroine!

I am obsessed with Amsterdam, not for its brown cafes or Red Light District, but because I absolutely must see the annex where one of my all-time favorite books was written. Obviously I'm talking about Anne Frank, but not the version we all read in middle school, which was heavily edited by her father to fit the stardards of decency in the '50s. I'm talking about the fabulous unabridged Definitive Edition, wherein Anne rails against her housemates, lusts after Peter, and is generally bored with attic life. Oh, and she's actually funny. Read it again, I'm serious. Anyway, the Anne Frank Huis on Prinsengracht just got better, with the addition of extra family letters and photos courtesy of Anne's cousin Buddy Elias. The museum is open all year (with later hours in the summer) and costs only 7.50 Euro for admission.

Check back for a post on Amsterdam lodging...

Keep your passport cozy.

My passport is one of my prized possessions and the best $67 I've ever spent. Therefore, it deserves to travel in style. I get a surprising number of comments on my purple suede passport holder from (bored) airport security staffers. But I'll concede that this Diarpell Passport Case ($14.95, BN.com) is equally cool. I'm a sucker for antique maps, so...'nuff said. It even has an inside pocket for your license, credit card, or ticket stubs.

$1,000 or Less: Ireland's Dromoland Castle

I'm not a big fan of vacation packages -- I've often found them to be more expensive than searching for air and hotel separately. But I'll make a big, big exception for the Sceptre Tours of Ireland. So big, in fact, that it lands them on my $1,000 or less list.

The package includes:

- Air from NYC to Shannon

- One night in an airport hotel

- A four-night voucher for farmhouse B&B's

- One royally fabulous night at Dromoland Castle

- A stick-shift car rental

-Breakfast daily

Now, keep in mind that a single night at Dromoland is 195 Euro and a ticket to Shannon is around $575. Ready?

TOTAL: $979

Slainte!

Why you'll never find me in first.

A recent argument about the virtues of first class reminded me again why I adore coach. I defy anyone to find one thing about the front cabin that justifies a $1,000 upcharge.

Let's start with a little analogy. Last week, I went to a hole-in-the-wall, counter-service Mexican restaurant, where I was charged $15.95 for a plain ol' burrito served on cafeteria trays with plastic knives and a tiny cup of salsa. Total rip-off, right?

Okay. Now let's discuss the people who pay $1,000 for the following perks:

1) "Better" food, which is still inarguably nasty airline food served with plastic utensils. The difference is, this fine meal just cost them the same as their ENTIRE food budget for the rest of the trip.

2) Shorter check-in lines, thus saving about 15 minutes which they will instead spend watching CNN in their plastic chairs at the gate because first class still takes off at the same time as coach. Unless, of course, they choose to wait in the...

3) First class lounge! Or, in essence, a fluorescent-lit nightclub with a cover charge fifty times higher than Ghostbar. But hey, there's beer, which may or may not be free depending on which airline they're flying.

4) Wider seats. Because nothing is more relaxing than a leather seat that sort of reclines while sharing a dry, airless cabin hundreds of strangers.

5) Champage, maybe. Although again, they may just get orange juice. But if they're on one of the luxury liners that serves bubbly, they can rest assured knowing they paid a cool grand for that glass. Sip, don't gulp.

Overall, I think the first class cabin is the biggest tourist trap in the world. Why spend hard-earned money -- or valuable points -- for an extra few inches of leg room? (Especially considering the average American spends 60 hours at their not-so-comfortable desk to save up that much money.) Save the cash and extend your vacation by a few days. Trust me, even the rockiest beach is more relaxing than a recliner in business class, and even the lousiest dive bar beats a $1,000 glass of cheap champagne.

$1,000 or Less: South Beach

The sweltering weather today is reminding me of my long weekend in South Beach, a trip I can only look back on in memories...namely because the film in my disposable camera melted from the heat while I was on the beach.

SoBe has a reputation as a swanky paradise teeming with celebs, but let's be honest: It's really just a Florida beach. And that means it's budgetastic, as long as you don't feel the need to lodge at the Delano with all the other star-chasers. Here's the itinerary for a long weekend of indulgence:

NYC to MIA: $150 (Northwest and American usually have the lowets fares for this route)

HOTEL: Stay 4 nights at the Clinton Hotel ($132/night for a queen), a boutique hotel on 8th and Washington. Translation: Two blocks from the beach, but right near the clubs. The staff is friendly, the bar is chill, and there's even a pool -- a SoBe rarity. Crank the A/C, snuggle up in the down comforter, and forget it was 110 degrees on the sand.

EAT: Grab any meal you can at News Cafe, where Versace used to dine almost daily. It's one of the best food values in the area, with the absolute perfect people-watching location. My faves are the ham and brie panini ($11.50) and the salty, salty, salty margarita ($7.50...I think). Also try Pizza Rustica on 863 Washington.

DO: Sleep on the beach all day (free). Party all night at Opium, B.E.D., Mansion or Prive ($20 each for cover). If you have time in the middle, head for the stores -- there's a reason I left a little breathing room in the budget, you know.

TOTAL: $777.

Excuse me, which way to the turnpike?

So, this weekend I got hopelessly lost on the way home from Lancaster, which taught me two things:
1) No one should ever drive on Route 10; in fact, that road should not even exist.
2) I need a GPS system.

So far it looks like the best value might be the Magellan Roadmate 2000. It gets great reviews, and the price is right -- I saw it on Buy.com for $159.99 after a rebate. A slightly pricier option (relatively speaking) is the Garmin StreetPilot c330, which gets rave reviews and goes for $249.99 on Amazon. Both are pretty low on the frills, but I don't need frills. I just need to get the hell out of Pennsylvania.

400 days and counting!

I am in love with the Olympics. Every two years, my world stops turning for a few weeks and I watch every event and cry at every medal ceremony. I also usually go through a brief phase of vowing to become an Olympian myself; I've considered gymnastics, cycling, archery, and most recently speed skating as possible avenues to Olympic glory. But given my questionable athletic prowess, a west-bound plane seems slightly more realistic.

Three reasons to catch the summer games when they come to Beijing in exactly 400 days:
1) It's a good excuse to go to China. Expedia only books ten months out, but this website helpfully marks the hotels that are currently taking reservations for August 2008.
2) Ticket prices are crazy low -- $13 for some events, and only $39 for the Women's All-Around Final in artistic gymnastics -- pretty much the holy grail of events.
3) The stadium looks like a crazy Picasso donut. Mmm!

I could get used to this.

I feel a bond with Penang, for two reasons: One, it's the name of my favorite restaurant in Philly's Chinatown, and two, someone told me once that I seemed "like someone who'd been to Malaysia." I'm not exactly sure what she meant; I'd like to believe she meant that I seemed worldly and exotic, but let's face it, she was probably just calling me a bargain whore. But you can do worldly and cheap at the beachfront cabanas at Mutiara Burau Bay, which start at $63/night USD. (I'm hoping that when the website promises "almost comfort," they actually mean "utmost comfort.") Bonus: I think the Sampan Bar, in a converted boat, is one of the coolest beach bars ever.

Shoes.

These may be the cutest sandals I've ever seen. Or maybe I'm just blinded by the $11 price tag. Either way, you'd better believe that the Kino Sandal Factory on Fitzpatrick is going to be my first stop in Key West. Well, maybe my third; conch fritters and a margarita will have to take top priority. But then, the sandals.

Wigging out.

Ever wanted to sleep in a wigwam? Neither have I. But you have to admit that these wigwam motels are way cooler than your average Econolodge. Apparently this used to be a booming chain in the heartland, but all that remains are locations on Route 66 in Southern California, near Mammoth Cave in Kentucky, and near who knows what in Holbrook, Arizona. The prices are pretty retro -- A/C and a "remote color cable TV" for $45-80/night, depending on location.

Fly away with me.

In about 15 minutes, the grass-skirted man of questionable sobriety will ride this Purple People Eater off a pier and plunge into the chilly Baltimore Harbor thirty feet below. As far as free entertainment goes, it really doesn't get much better. Last October's Flugtag -- a Red Bull-sponsored event in which participants vie for the chance to pilot doomed human-powered flying machines -- was so fantabulous that I briefly considered driving out to Nashville for the June '07 event. (Among other highlights, a family shoved its matriarch off the pier facedown, whereupon she executed the most painful and presumably unintentional belly-flop in history. Woohoo!) But this may be one of those things where you benefit from the element of surprise (and horror, and pity). The ongoing event stops in Austin on August 25th; check the website for location updates.