Excess in Texas.

I could gain five pounds in San Antonio. Because even though I'd pay a visit to the Alamo and walk through the Natural Bridge Caverns, I know I'd spend the majority of my time eating my way down the Riverwalk. There are few things I like more than a waterfront pathway, especially one with Christmas lights and spicy food. My needs are simple.

First stop: Dick's Last Resort, part of a mini-chain of BBQ joints, for a bucket of ribs ($17.99 for a rack) and a Mile High Peanut Butta Pie ($4.99).

Next: Casa Rio, a 60-year-old Mexican restaurant with the famous (well, famous if you're a photo junkie) primary-colored umbrellas along the river. Keep it real with an enchilada platter.

And finally: A dinner cruise from Cafe Ole, which includes chili con queso, a monster fajita, and fried ice cream for $30. Margaritas are an extra $10, but they put Marnier in 'em, so that's a plus. Note to my local bartender: "Golden margarita" does not mean "put Cuervo in it."

Sleep off the calories at the Drury Inn on the Riverwalk...it's within rolling distance. For $139 a night, they even have a rooftop pool, but I fear I'd sink right to the bottom.